Over the past week or so our doomsday timeline has had some radical adjustments. Most of us have felt pretty safe knowing that we had another 1.1 billion years to figure things out before the Sun became too hot for us to live here anymore. But then we found out that in 116 years, asteroid Bennu will crash into us, killing everything and everyone. This moved up the timeline by a factor of about ten million.
Now the timeline has been taken down by another decimal place. In 12 years the world will end. The cause: Global Warming.
This news was broken by a young flashy politician that everyone likes these days. She is very good at twitter. But the news doesn’t give us much hope. Advanced interstellar travel is more than 12 years away, no matter how you slice it.
This timeline adjustment is bad, no doubt. What makes it even scarier is that it’s based on absolutely nothing! How are we meant to deal with that?
There’s no way to deal with it.
Here are some ways we can deal with it
Given this new info, we might as well become socialist. Or communist. Or fascist. Or whatever is trending these days with the young folks. Who cares! We’ll all be dead before it gets really bad. In these unsure times, the one thing we know for certain is that we need an overbearing authoritarian government to be our guide.
Given this new info, we might as well find all the people who are good at their jobs and who work hard and invest wisely and have good ideas and who shoulder the burden of risk, and take away their shit. And then give their shit to other people. Who cares? We won’t be around long enough to run out of decent quality things made by people who are good at their jobs. WE HAVE LOTS!
Given this new info, we might as well make college free for everyone. Because who cares? The government can print enough money to make it work for 12 years without sweating the drastic long-term consequences. I can tell you this much: If I knew for a fact that there were only 12 years left until Armageddon, I’d fake whatever birth certificates and transcripts I’d need to, and go back to college. I don’t really look 18 anymore, but who cares? Think how much I could learn if I went into it knowing what I know now! Doesn’t everyone want an opportunity to do it all over again? You could RULE THE SCHOOL!
And then after graduating college I’d join the military, going for an elite unit. With that doomsday fast approaching, I might as well see what I’m made out of, and learn some elite skills. Things get boring without a challenge. I’m not sure which unit I’ll go for. It will likely be JTF-2, because I only have a Canadian passport. But given the circumstances, I may be able fudge my way into SEAL training, or the SAS. Because who really cares?
And then I’m not sure what I’ll do with whatever years I have left. It won’t really matter. I’ll probably binge some Netflix shows that I missed. Or Amazon Prime TV. Who cares? Maybe I’ll go for the occasional walk out in nature to look at birds and trees and fish, and feel the sun. Because who cares at that point? It’s all about to end!