People are up in arms on the heels of Ford’s recent announcement that they have filed a patent for a technique that will get rid of ‘New Car Smell.’
‘If it doesn’t smell new, how do I know it’s new?‘ explains one irate Ford shopper we met outside a Royal Oak, Mi dealership when we asked them about this new trend.
‘What gives with this smell? It smells like chemical death in here. Are the Americans trying to kill us slowly?’ asks on irate Ford shopper outside a Shanghai dealership.
Apparently, in China they don’t like New Car Smell. And Ford is considering bending to their demands for an odor free experience.
In North America, we love it! IT MEANS THE CAR IS NEW!
Also, it means the air in the car is toxic. But that’s nothing to worry about. You need to read all the way to the end of the article before you find a brief mention of what New Car Smell actually is:
While the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office hasn’t issued a ruling on the “vehicle odor remediation” patent application, and Ford hasn’t committed to moving forward with the project, the paperwork explains what creates the odor so many Americans like:
That new car smell is caused by volatile organic compounds given off by leather, plastic and vinyl. Chemicals used to attach and seal car parts may also contribute to the odor.
But hey, it’s just a bunch of chemicals, right?
We like bad smells, even when they are bad for us. BECAUSE IT MEANS THE CAR IS NEW!
And there is nothing better than a new car!
Will other car makers follow suit?
There is some question as to the patentability of the process, which basically involves putting the car in the sun with the heaters on, and can only be done by self driving cars, because the gases that make up New Car Smell are potentially lethal to humans.
The process described in the patent involves parking the car in the sun, opening the windows slightly, and optionally turning the engine, heater and fan on.The system includes special software and various air quality sensors, and works only when fitted to a driverless or semi-autonomous vehicle.
A lot of technology is involved in the patent application. The car would determine whether conditions are right to expel compounds, and the car would drive itself to a place in the sun and bake away the offensive odor.
‘And then once this is done,’ explains Ford project lead Stan Sefferino,’ we bring the car back to the shop and Febreeze the living fuck out of it.’
This leads to so many questions:
- Does this process make the car safe for people? Or do VOCs continue to offgas indefinitely?
- Is there a way to undergo this process on regular, person driven cars?
- Could they use less toxic materials, instead of requiring such extensive measures?
- Does Febreeze actually eliminate odors? Or does it just mask them?
- Will self-driving cars ruin the world?
- And if so, will it be before or after machine consciousness kills us all in other ways?
Only time will tell.