I didn’t vote in this thing. Screw it.
I wasn’t allowed to vote. But it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. Not a single race was decided by one vote. So whatever!
There’s a theory out there that everyone should vote. This theory is false. Many people are not qualified and are better off abstaining. Sometimes you need to do the right thing in the name of democracy.
Did you vote? There’s a good chance you shouldn’t have. Check this out:
- If you voted for the bad guys, you shouldn’t have been allowed to vote, either. That’s the easiest way to make sure the good guys win.
- If you voted for a communist or a fascist, you shouldn’t have bothered. It doesn’t even make sense!
- If you are involved in designing or constructing our soon-to-be robot overlords, you shouldn’t have voted. It doesn’t even make sense. If you are doing so only because you are serious about Roko’s Basilisk, then the joke is on me. And the joke is probably on you too, maybe just slightly after the joke is on me. But in any case, lining up at the polls is a waste of your time.
- If you believe in the authoritarian suppression of free speech and dissenting opinions, you shouldn’t have voted. It doesn’t even make any sense! And also, you’re wrong.
- If you voted for the losing party, you shouldn’t have voted. The winning party will find out what you did and do horrible things to you. Voting, like betting on horses, only makes sense if you know how to pick a winner.
- If you drink water right out of the tap, you probably shouldn’t have voted. Your municipality is lacing the water with brain control chemicals that will affect your decisions and you can’t be trusted. The chemicals will also make you feel an urgency and importance to voting. Next time find some friends that filter their water and get them to promise to keep you from making it to the polling station, no matter what you do or say.
- If you get all your info from the fake news media, you shouldn’t have voted. They are using you. And getting used doesn’t feel good.
- If you don’t have a sense you humor, you shouldn’t have voted. Because really, whatever happens, at least it’s funny!
- If you eat synthetic meats or meat substitutes, you shouldn’t have voted. Studies show that eating these modern meat alternatives can affect you decision making at crunch time.
- If you do not currently serve, or have never served, in the military, you probably shouldn’t have voted. As we learned from Starship Troopers, citizenry, and therefore voting rights, should be determined by an individual’s willingness to sacrifice their life for their fellow people. If you’re just along for the ride, that’s fine! Live it up! But perhaps do the right thing and opt-out of voting. Leave the decision making for those willing to make a true investment.
- If you’ve been exposed to air pollution, either indoor, outdoor or both, you probably shouldn’t vote. Many studies show the ill effects of chemical pollutants on cognitive function.
- If you don’t like either party, or either candidate, you shouldn’t have voted. Choosing the lesser of two evils accomplishes nothing and only perpetuates the system. If zero votes are cast, both parties will be forced to get the hint and ‘may’ start doing things differently/better.
If you fall into any of these categories, and still voted, too bad. Let’s hope you learn your lesson for next time.
….There might not be a next time. The AI robots are poised to take over. The good news is that there is a chance they might be better at running things than we are. They can hardly be much worse. The bad news is that they are more likely to turn us into their feeble servants, or do away with us altogether.
Either way, elections are increasingly irrelevant. Save your energy.