It’s become more and more apparent over the past few years that education is overrated. Especially college! Everybody successful and famous hates college, nowadays.
In the past, a study like the one just released showing the effects of bad air quality on cognitive function would be distressing. But not anymore! How many things do kids learn in a year, anyway? If it affected IQ, then it would be a different story. (And if it affected how many LIKES we get, we’d be FREAKING OUT!)
We’ve covered air quality before, when we studied it’s connection to the rise of diabetes. And undoubtedly this won’t be the last time. IT’S HORRIBLE OUT THERE. BUT PEOPLE KEEP DRIVING CARS ANYWAY! THAT’S HOW LAZY WE ARE!
And also, not that smart, anymore. Thanks to cars, among other things.
Sure, we’re dumb. But what about lazy?
Obviously, it’s killing us and making us stupid, but does bad air also make us lazy?
That would be great! Because studies now show that laziness, not smarts, not good looks, not luck, not grit, is the key to evolution.
That’s right. It might just turn out that if we are stupid AND lazy, we will quickly evolve into something awesome!
I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THAT IS!
I hope that instead of brains we get enlarged skulls filled with car pollution. And that this ‘lighter than air’ composition allows us to float six to twelve inches off the ground in whatever direction we point our eyes.
That will save a lot of trouble!
No more worries about walking around, or trying to get a bike and pedaling around and finding a place to lock it up. We can float over to our cars and tap the exhaust pipe right in to the head, to replenish any precious gases that may have leaked out. And it won’t even matter if we fall a year behind in school. Or skip a grade. Or whatever. NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF WHEN WE EVOLVE! We will evolve way beyond those petty concerns.
Evolution is AWESOME! Bring it on!
I’m going to go lie on the couch and wait.