The news that Twitter is about to go on a deleting rampage has many of us facing an existential crisis.
‘What if it turns out I’m fake?’ we’re all asking.
‘It will be a blow, for sure,’ explains Twitter. ‘There will be many bruised egos. But people need to understand that it’s all for the greater good. There is no place for fake people here on our platform. And we hope to set an example for the rest of the world to follow. Our shareholders may suffer for a while. Heck, some of them might even feel the sharp sting of our algorithm’s axe. But we’re confident they’ll thank us in the end.’
Most of us can agree that fakeness is one of the least desirable of qualities. Nobody likes fake people. You try and talk to them and give them a chance but it’s all big smiles and chit chat while they look around the room to see if there’s anyone more important they should be latching on to. Or they promise to call you so you can hang out and go to lunch and they say it so earnestly that you believe it, but then the phone never rings. It’s just how it goes. The problem is that it’s virtually impossible to tell whether you’re that person. And no one is going to tell you straight up. No one, except for twitter, that is.
Could it be you? Could it be me? We have no idea!
They haven’t given a precise timeframe as to when they’ll drop the hammer. All we can do is wait and worry.
Judgement day awaits.
You can sit on your thumbs, or make your case. I WILL NOT IDLY WAIT! I WILL NOT STAND SILENTLY WHILE MAY FATE IS BEING DECIDED! I WILL FIGHT, TO THE DEATH, IF NECESSARY!
I’M NOT FAKE I’M REAL! I SWEAR TO GOD. I’M GENUINE AND THOUGHTFUL! I CARE A GREAT DEAL! EVERYTHING I DO IS ALREADY FOR THE GREATER GOOD! IT MAY NOT ALWAYS SEEM THAT WAY, I KNOW! IT’S AT TIMES TOO THINLY VEILED, OR TUCKED BEHIND A FACADE OF BOMBAST AND SO-SO JOKES, BUT THERE’S A REAL PERSON IN HERE, JUST TRYING TO GET OUT. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DELETE ME GIVE ME A CHANCE! THAT’S ALL I ASK! I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS I CAN SEE IT ON MY ANALYTICS, SO HEAR THIS PLEA! HAVE A HEART, I’M ONE OF THE GOOD ONES!